Back in the saddle again...

Yeah - I'm baaaaaaaaaaack.

I've been challenged to see this thing through.  So I'm gonna.

My goal is to lose 50 pounds by April 30.  My pal Candace is gonna do this with me.

We both wanna go to New York in the spring.

There's our motivation.

That's all fer now...

Confession:

Today I had a really healthy meal of hummus and pitas.  And then I topped it off with a very tasty piece of baklava.

Yeah - I'm NEVER going to lose this weight, am I?!?

My full tummy doesn't seem to care that much today...

HAPPY MONDAY EVERYONE!

Clarification:

I've had a few phone calls and concerned emails from people wanting to make sure I'm okay.

I'm doing absolutely FANTASTIC and I meant to convey that in my last post.

Guess it didn't really come across that way and I apologize for any undue worry on my part.

I'm excellent - more excellent today than I've been in a REALLY long time.

Thanks for the concern!

A confession

I have been stewing and fretting and wondering how to write this post.

See, this whole weight loss process has become a gigantic depression-inducing thing for me.

(I'm sure you couldn't tell that by the posts I've been writing.)

Anyway, I am lucky enough, sincerely and truly lucky enough to get to work at a place where we have a performance review EVERY QUARTER.  From what I understand, this isn't normal in the professional work place.  Well my professional work place has been doing this for going on 7 years now and I look forward to them each quarter.  I look forward to them because they are always a time for me to learn and grow.  And I do each and every time.

It's a great time to reflect on my professional life (goals, accomplishments, weaknesses, etc.), as well as my personal life, and going one step further - my religious/spiritual life.

I have a boss who is probably one of my all time favorite people.  We work as a team quite well and he has helped improve me, my skills, my thought processes, and has challenged me more than anyone has ever done.  I'm so grateful to him, which is part of the reason why I so look forward to these meetings.

My quarterly review was yesterday (Monday).  As I was mentally preparing myself for this on Sunday, I dredged up a bunch of JUNK, emotional junk that brought me to the depths of despair.  I was a miserable human being all day on Sunday and the tears wouldn't stop flowing for all of the abuse I was giving myself, the pleading I was giving to the Lord, and just the sheer loneliness I've been feeling/experiencing as of late.

Why am I telling you all of this?

Well, the main reason is the fact that I don't like to fail.  In fact it has always terrified me to a point that I just don't plan for or do anything that would possibly make me fail.  I have ALWAYS been this way.  Setting up this very, VERY public way to diet and lose weight and try to become more healthy has turned out to be one ginormous failure that I could not seem to get over, especially because it wasn't just me experiencing it.  I wasn't only failing me - I was failing all (2-3) of you.

At least that was how I was looking and it and experiencing it and I was absolutely miserable as a result.

I'm not done dieting.  Quite the contrary, I'm more than determined to succeed.  And succeed even more than I could ever hope in succeeding.  Eating healthier, eating less, and exercising a whole lot more.

But to be a different kind of successful, I need to stop stressing/worrying/stewing/whining about it if I don't lose something every week.  I also need to stop publicly flogging myself.

I will continue to blog and post updates now and then, but not every day.  I just can't.  At least not right now.  I don't know if it's doing any of you any good, but it most certainly isn't doing me any good.  I can't even look myself in the mirror because of how much I despise myself looking at me through your eyes.

Anyway, I'm working on all kinds of things - physically, emotionally, spiritually, and am oh so grateful for the most wonderful people who are in my life and even those that I don't know at all or know that well who have happened to catch these words every so often.

Wow - reading back I've gone all over the place with this.  Just know the review is what brought things into focus for me and I won't be as chatty here in the blogging world.

I ALWAYS welcome emails and ALWAYS am pretty open with my life - all it takes is someone to ask a question.  Please feel free to ask me questions.

Anyway, love to you all.

PS:  I gained another pound, so I'm back to 222.  Toldja it's been rough...  Next time I gain (which I hope I won't but if I do) I plan on gaining 'cause I'm having a FABULOUS time with family/friends eating and laughing and having fun.  The gaining will not be because I'm a shell of myself and eating is the ONLY thing that seems to make sense.

Love you all!

No update

I don't have an update weight-wise for you this week, as I've been sick with the flu or some such thing for the past couple of days.  My fat doctor's office closes at noon on Fridays and I don't get out of work until 2:30.  So now I get to wait until next week.

I'm okay with that I think.

It's funny, I was thinking what a great way to lose weight when you're puking and pooping.  Then I remembered I did a blog post under my debt blog about the same thing:  HERE.

So there you go.  You're losing weight (hopefully) and saving money while being so sick.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Happy Friday/weekend everyone!  May it be full of health and fun...

Or a chest to put it on...

Do you remember the phrase, "Want a brownie button or a chest to put it on?"  This prolly only applies to girls, but who knows - maybe boys were as interested in their chest sizes as girls were.

Hmm...

Anyway, I was again loathing myself on a scale yesterday that I think has surpassed any former loathing.  I was bound and determined to get my booty out of bed and walk on that treadmill.  I wake up at the right times to do it, I just can't seem to muster the strength or desire or whatever to get out of bed to do it.

So I was then determined to walk on the dreaded treadmill last night.  I even skipped family home evening with my sister and her family to ensure that I do it, sort of as a form of self-punishment for being so blasted lazy.

Hmm, got home last night, was sweaty just from bringing in groceries and decided maybe tomorrow.

You really wonder why I'm still single, don't you?

Anyway, I was getting ready for bed and it just kept nagging me that I was failing, YET AGAIN, so miserably.  Do I really have so little self control?  Really Tara?

So I just did it.  I jumped on that treadmill in my special backside burning shoes and walked that thing until sweat was pouring from every edifice (TMI?).

Yes, I want that brownie button now.  I already have the chest to put it on.

Actually, just gimme the brownie.

Mmm, brownies...

My Peeps

I discovered something about me this weekend.

When my "peeps" are not in their rightful places, I don't deal well. I deal in my typical way: they are out having a life (which usually equals fun) without me and I have no life except this damn diet and screw the diet - I'm eating my nachos!

Well, that's it in a nutshell anyway (sorry for the swearing Mom). Last week my boss, my sister and her family, and my weekend buddy who I do just about everything with were all out of town. Out of town doing really cool things.

And I was here NOT doing cool things. NOT even doing things I SHOULD be doing.

And so I ate and whined and ate and slept and ate and complained. And ate.

(Ooh, I'm a catch, aren't I?!?)

Anyway, I was desperately trying to figure out where my motivation went, why I was sabotaging myself and this weight loss regime, and why I couldn't get a grip.

I need my peeps.

And my peeps (most of them anyway) are back.

Diet is back on!

Diet Quotes

Which ones do you like best? Most of these are tongue in cheek. I know being overweight is a serious thing, but in order for me to deal with it best, I need to be able to laugh about it. So laugh with me and tell me which you like best.

1.  I bought a talking refrigerator that said "Oink" every time I opened the door. It made me hungry for pork chops. ~Marie Mott

2.  She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when." ~P.G. Wodehouse

3.  Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet. ~Dan Bennett

4.  Obesity is really widespread. ~Joseph O. Kern II

5.  My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. ~Orson Welles

6.  We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it. ~Author Unknown

7.  The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. ~Dave Barry

8.  Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths. ~Author Unknown

9.  We never repent of having eaten too little. ~Thomas Jefferson, 1825

10. When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad. ~Janette Barber

11. My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it. ~Harry Secombe

12. I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food. ~Erma Bombeck

13. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled over how much weight you have gained. ~Author Unknown

14. Dieters live life in the fasting lane. ~Author Unknown

15. I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people. ~Ed Bluestone

16. I am a nutritional overachiever. ~Author Unknown

17. The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you're off it. ~Jackie Gleason

18. I think I just ate my willpower. ~Author Unknown

19. Dieting is wishful shrinking. ~Author Unknown

20. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets. ~Author Unknown

21. The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor. ~Author Unknown

22. If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush. ~Dawn French

23.Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not! ~Author Unknown

24. The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. ~Andy Rooney

25. Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge. ~Don Kardong

26. I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me! ~Author Unknown

27. I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. ~Mae West

28. I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge. ~Paula Poundstone

29. In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and cahins. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale. ~Stephen Phillips

30. The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. ~Author Unknown

31. When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen

221

I don't want to write this. I don't. I don't. I don't.

I don't.

I gained another pound this week, which means 221 is the magic number.

Such an ugly number.

I'm thinking all kinds of ugly thoughts.

And calling me all kinds of ugly names.

No excuses. I'm just weak.

221. Ugh.

Good friends, good food

I had the privilege and pleasure of dining with some good friends of mine last night.

Clint and Natalie and their beautiful kids Ryan and Jane were ever the charming hosts and the company and food were fantastic.

Natalie, knowing how I'm "trying" to lose weight (oh so not doing well there) made a very tasty dish of balsamic glazed chicken breasts, roasted new potatoes with onions (mmm, one of my FAVORITE things to eat), and I made a spinach and strawberry salad with this dressing:

My salad was probably the most caloric thing on the menu due to the dressing, but we only used just a little bit and it really enhanced the sweetness of the strawberries (this dressing is to die for - you can only get it at AJs in Arizona - not sure where to get it in other states).

Natalie's chicken was soaked in balsamic vinegar, a little bit of honey, some fresh garlic and some rosemary. She soaked it overnight and grilled it on her George Foreman grill.  It was gooooood...

The potatoes were roasted in the oven with a sprinkling of extra virgin olive oil and onion soup mix on top.

For dessert we had baked apples (cut in little cubes) with also just a sprinkling of oats, cinnamon, and a little bit of brown sugar. Mostly the crunchiness and sweetness of the apples were what came through and it was really delicious.  For the official recipe, go HERE.

It was tasty, healthy and I got a wonderful kid fix by blowing bubbles with Ryan and holding and nuzzling their sweet newborn Jane.

Thanks Clint and Natalie. Love you guys and am grateful for your friendship and family and for the yummy and healthy food!

Strange dinner last night

I was hungry last night when I got home from work, but am desperately trying to find foods that are high on flavor/longevity, low on calories.

I created the strangest dinner last night, and it was by far the most satisfying I've had yet.

I cooked brown rice (just plain - no salt or oil or any flavorings added), then added 1/2 cup of Ranch Style beans to the top. Added a handful of frozen corn (thawed out in the microwave) and a couple of splashes of Tabasco sauce for kick.

That's it. No salt. No cheese. No sauce (except with the beans). It was plentiful, it filled me up and kept me full for the rest of the evening (I ate this right around 5:00) and it was really, REALLY good.

I told you it was strange, but I will definitely try it again...

FYI

1 bean and cheese burrito with no sauce and no onions equals 340 calories per this link.

You're welcome.

HA!

I don't want to brag or make anybody jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

Is this our only vice?

I usually work in the Mesa, AZ temple every Friday evening. I have a friend who I work with, an older lady who I think is pretty terrific.

I told her a couple of weeks ago about my weight loss plan and she asked me why I was doing it.

"I'm fat."

She laughed and told me of a friend she had when she was younger: a single, male, non-LDS friend. He had a real problem with dating LDS girls because he said they were always chunky.

She yelled at him and told him that LDS girls do not drink alcohol, they do not drink coffee or strong tea, they don't smoke, they don't have pre-marital sex and if they like food, THAT IS THEIR ONLY VICE and to give them a break.

She said he was impressed with that and shut up.

Hmm - maybe being fluffy isn't such a horrible thing...

This should help keep me on track

I found these at Costco last night and I am a happy camper:


These little beauties are yellow tomatoes - cherry tomato size so you can pop one in your mouth easily and quickly. They are so stinkin' good and sweet, they are almost better than candy.

Yeah, I really did say that.

This will help with the munchies, that is for dang sure. I strongly encourage you to go try some. Oh. So. GOOD.

And the grand total for this week is...

...+1 - so I'm back at 220.

And really, I'm okay with that. I did not deserve to ONLY gain one pound. The crap, um food that I ate this weekend should have loaded it all back on.

Only one pound.

Phew!

Comfort Food

All of the "experts" say you should never turn to food for comfort.

I agree. Except I made a massive exception this weekend.

I had a LOUSY holiday weekend. For the past 3-4 weeks or so, I've been experiencing numbness and tingling in my neck/shoulder area. Friday morning (July 2) I woke up and could not move my head. I had pain in my neck radiating down my left shoulder blade.

Ow.

I went to a chiropractor Friday morning and he thinks I have some kind of damage in there. Where it came from is anyone's guess. He thought it could possibly stem from a car accident I had 6 years ago. Who knows.

Yet another weird LaRue disease that goes unexplained.

Anyway, I had every intention of shopping for a car on Saturday and/or Monday, since it was a 3-day weekend and every car dealership was having holiday specials going on.

I ended up staying home the entire weekend alone (as my family was all in either Utah or Colorado). And man alive, did I have a SPECTACULAR mope.

Major pity party for one with all the junk food one could imagine.

Yeah - I get weighed tomorrow. Does anyone want to guess how much weight I GAINED? I have no doubt whatsoever there will have been no weight lost. None at all.

Just need to start over I 'spose and suck it up (that was for you Leslie).

Dreading tomorrow...

My Breakfast

This is my breakfast every morning. I mix it with about 2 cups of skim milk and a teaspoon of natural peanut butter. Below is my all time favorite brand:


This drink is awesome. Why? Here are just some of the ingredients: Organic Vegetable Blend (carrot, broccoli, tomato, cucumber, kale, spinach, parsley, abbage, celery, cauliflower, green bell peppers, asparagus, brussels sprouts, onion, garlic, ginger), Organic Fruit Blend (apple, grape, grapefruit, orange, pineapple, lemon, lime, cherry, watermelon, pear, mango, strawberry, papaya, tangerine, apricot) with lots of other stuff. The kicker?

IT TASTES REALLY, REALLY GOOD (it's chocolate). The key is to mix it with skim milk and not water. Water with it is disgusting. Milk makes all the difference in the world. The packet has 100 calories, 2 cups of skim milk is about 180 calories, and a teaspoon of peanut butter is another 100 calories.

I have been drinking this stuff every day for almost a year now and man alive, I crave it and miss it when I skip a day. Honestly.

Oh so tasty.

And it fills me up until lunch. I drink it on my way to work each morning. I leave my house at 7:00 a.m. and am finished with it by about 7:15 a.m. I then don't take a lunch break until around 12:00 noon. And I'm not hungry until then. Awesome.

Here is their website if you're interested (http://taralarue.myforevergreen.org/) . It's not cheap ($39.00 for a box of 12), but for me, getting all those veggies and fruits into my diet is well worth the price. And the more you buy at once, the cheaper it is per packet.

Anyway, I don't have a computer at home and my blogging is done at work. I have Monday off, so I will not be adding to this blog until Tuesday the 6th.

Have a most WONDERFUL holiday weekend everyone. Be safe, have fun, and enjoy your family!

Epic FAIL

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (I'm a Mormon). One of the programs our Church has is the Visiting Teaching program. This is where two women are assigned to visit 1-3 women each month, give a lesson, and just offer encouragement and help when needed. This way everyone in the ward (congregation) is made aware of and someone is always thinking and/or taking care of them (it's such a nice program).

I have two lovely visiting teachers: Nicole and Tiffany.

Here is what Nicole brought me yesterday:


An entire loaf of homemade white bread, and it was still hot from the oven. This was at 6:00 p.m. last night. They left my house around 7:00 p.m. last night.

As of 6:00 a.m. this morning, that same loaf of bread looked like this:


Right next to this pan are these:


One does not get to weigh 231 by accident. I can eat. And I can eat homemade white bread like there is NO TOMORROW.

Sadly, tomorrow came (it's today) and my belly is full full full of this delicious stuff. I should totally feel guilty. I really should.

But I don't because it was THAT good and what's on my mind right now is knowing that it's waiting for me at home.

Epic fail for my diet, epic win for the visiting teaching program!

219

I went a day early to get weighed. I'm down one more pound.

I ate out (I mean REALLY ate out) on Friday night and Saturday night (especially Saturday night - have YOU been to the Bamboo Club in Scottsdale) and I'm down a pound.

I'm pleased.

What is your favorite dessert?

I did this on Facebook last night and got some great results. I'm not trying to sabotage myself or anything, I'm just curious. I saw a show on Food Network yesterday (The Best Thing I Ever Ate) and there were some things people mentioned that I never knew existed and wished I lived where these delights were created.

My favorite dessert, I have to say, is a REALLY good, quality chocolate croissant (I've had so so and even bad chocolate croissants - it has to be quality). Making my mouth water just thinking about one. And almost anything with peanut butter in it is going to be a winner.

What's yours?

Sketcher Shape-ups

I woke up many times this morning, beginning around 2:00 a.m., with a raging headache. I don't function well with a headache, much less exercise with one. (Honestly, who am I kidding?!? - ANY excuse NOT to exercise is my #2 goal, #1 being get over myself and get healthy.)

On the days I don't walk, I try to wear my exercise shoes. Does anyone have these?

They are Sketcher Shape-up sandals and I own 3 pair (black, brown, and a beige color, along with the Shape-up tennis shoes). I like the way they look, but am not sure if they honestly and truly tone my backside. It's been so long since my backside was toned (actually, if I think about it I really don't think my backside has EVER been toned) that I'm willing to try anything.

Anyway, my big feet are wearing these today and I am curious if anyone else owns/wears them and your thoughts on them.

Socks

Anyone have any favorite brand of socks they use? This is such a strange and random question, but this morning as I was walking on my treadmill (yes, 2 days in a row now thankyouverymuch) my socks got angry and rubbed my heel raw.

I am a sandals girl. I very, very seldom wear shoes that has the need for socks (even in the winter), so the socks I own are old and ones I've had for years.

Time for new ones I 'spose, but I want new ones that are soft and cushy and won't hurt me.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

An open letter:

Dear janitors of the women's restroom at work:

Your toilet paper and soap are AWFUL and are killing my hands and, um, other parts.

I'm drinking gallons of water a day and dread the need to use your facilities.

That's all.

A very chafed customer...

Recipe Time

Tried out a new recipe this weekend and man alive, it was TASTY (and spicy). Here goes:

CHILI LIME CHICKEN TACOS
4 boneless/skinless/fatless chicken breasts
5-6 small limes
1 heaping teaspoon of chili powder
garlic salt
black pepper
1 jar of salsa or green chili salsa
Frozen corn

Garlic salt and pepper the chicken breasts and put them in a crock pot. Juice all 5-6 limes. Add the chili powder to the lime juice and mix.

Pour lime juice mixture over chicken breasts. Cook in crock pot on low for 5-6 hours (my only complaint was I ended up cooking the chicken longer and the chicken became kinda mushy).

Shred chicken and add it back to the juice that is still left in crock pot. Add jar of salsa (I used 505 brand of green chili salsa - picture below - 140 calories for the ENTIRE JAR) and a couple of handfuls of frozen corn. Cook on low for another 30 minutes.

Eat with fat free or whole grain/wheat tortillas, lots of tomatoes, fat free sour cream, and a little cheese (you really don't need a lot of cheese, if any).

Enjoy!

(I think this is the BEST brand of this type of salsa out there!)

Another cool quote:

Patience - the ability to put our desires on hold for a time - is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter. Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, depends happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace.

Dieter F. Uchtdorf
"Continue in Patience"
April 2010 General Conference

You are all seriously AWESOME!

I love my family and friends.

My friend Jenny texted me this morning at 6:00 to ask if I had gotten up yet to go walk. It totally irritated me and I replied back that I was actually getting up to shower since I needed to leave in an hour.

And then I wondered why I was bugged.

I had asked her and you - all of you - to hold me accountable. And she was just doing what I asked her to do, knowing what a rough week I have had getting up and she was just making sure I would do it.

I didn't of course.

But I appreciate her effort and will plan on reporting to her (and you) my progress in that department for now on.

Jenny Beth, THANK YOU for braving my irritation and annoyance (and you have had to KNOW it would have bugged me) and asking me to report.

This is EXACTLY what I need. You are ALL exactly what I need.

Thank you.

220

Lost 3 more pounds. This is without exercising and eating a little more "normal" foods (albeit MUCH smaller portions with low cal/low fat whatever it was). Last week I was afraid to eat anything, hence losing a much bigger number of pounds.

But I'm happy with this week's results and feel a little more rounded in what I'm eating. I think I'm starting to get it.

Next week I'm gonna kick some major weight booty!

(What a weird thing to say.)

Weight Day!

Getting weighed today.

Last week I was excited.

This week I'm nervous.

Update you soon...

A cool quote

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself."

--Anna Quindlen

Hmm, a little appropriate after my last post, dontcha think?

Loathing... Unadulterated Loathing...

(That song is now in your mind, isn't it?)

Okay. I woke up loathing myself, AGAIN. Why do I do this? I wake up early enough (this morning it was 5:00) and KNOW in order to be successful at this, I NEED to get my booty out of bed and get on that treadmill. But I don't. I snooze and make excuses and just don't do it. I just don't.

No rhyme. No reason.

I came in to work this morning feeling all kinds of self-hatred and disgust. Seriously beating myself up good and hard. I talked to three people about it and all three told me I was being too mean to myself.

But if I'm not the one being hard on myself, who will be?

I guess I need to find a happy medium. Find the motivation (do I sound like an actor - "Where's my motivation?") to get out of bed each morning, knowing it's only going to do good things. I also need to forgive myself if I'm feeling a bit sluggish or off.

But really, I need to just get out of the friggin' bed in the morning and quit being such a lazy bum!

You loathe me too now, dontcha?

Feelin' Blah...

Woke up this morning with a headache and absolutely NO DESIRE to even THINK about food. That means I don't wanna have to think about what I'm putting in my mouth (and on my hips and in my gut and and and) and as a result, am feeling a bit blah.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

I didn't exercise this morning. I woke up in time to do so, but with the headache, I very easily talked myself out of it. I laid in bed and played Solitaire on my cell phone instead.

I am a rockstar. Yes, I know.

Okay, enough whining. I am not a huge fan of myself ANYWAY, but when the whining starts, I can't STAND myself. I suspect I am not alone in this.

So the whining will be done as of right...

NOW!

Thank you for listening ... well reading anyway.

Cool online calorie calculator

I went to Red Robin today and got a salad. The waitress was AWESOME and was intent on helping me stay to my minimal caloric intake and suggested I visit their website online for future eatin's there.

If you go to www.redrobin.com and ask to see their menu, you can then click on any of the menu items. It will ask you if you'd like to customize that order. You do.

Once you hit the customize button, you can either remove items on the right-hand side (so for my salad today, I asked to have the bread and chicken removed) or change things up on the left-hand side (I believe). I added light ranch dressing instead of the usual dressing that comes with it.

My salad started out as being almost 800 calories. With the reduced fat/low calorie dressing and eating only half of the salad, as well as not eating the bread or chicken, the calories came to around 350. (And yes, I realized after doing this how much cheaper it would be just to make this myself at home and bring it in. I think I need to invest in that salad dressing as it was some of the YUMMIEST low cal stuff I've ever had. No lie. You gotta try it!)

AWESOME. Why don't all of the other restaurants do this?!? If there are more that do, let me know who. It will make this a whole lot easier!

Things, they are a'changin'!

This is what my grocery store purchase was on Saturday.

Would someone please go check on my mom and make sure she hasn't fainted?

Loud and Proud

To all of my blog readers:

I want to know how much you weigh. I don't need to know who you are and actually want you to post your weight in my comments section as anonymous. It's easy enough to do.

If you have a Google account, be sure to sign OUT of it first off (top right corner where it says "Sign out"), then go back to my blog and hit the comments link and leave your weight.

I want to take the stigma away. It's easy to say and the more you say it, the easier it gets. I actually said it OUT LOUD today to someone in casual conversation. That was a first. And I didn't die. Or even hyperventilate.

Say it. Say. It. SAY IT!

"My name is anonymous, and I weigh 223 pounds."

June 18, 1941

June 18, 1941, was the day my dad was born.

Tomorrow is June 18, 2010, and I'm taking a day off of work (and therefore will not have a computer to blog on) to spend with my mom and sisters to celebrate and honor him.

This is our first year without him...

I'll get back to you on Monday. Have a great weekend everyone!

--Allan's daughter.

223

E I G H T P O U N D S ! ! !

I was hoping for 5, maybe 6. Nope, I got 8 and I couldn't be more giddy.

Do you see my smile from there? Can you hear me giggling?

I'm on my way!

Yee!!!

I woke up giddy this morning. I get weighed today.

How sick does that sound?!? (HA!)

I'll keep ya posted...

To Scale or not to Scale?

Followers:

I have a debate going on here at my office. Someone told me I needed a scale at my house (I don't currently own one) to keep myself in check with this whole weight loss regime. His arguments made total sense and I liked the thought of it.

Shortly thereafter this first conversation, another person in my office said I should ABSOLUTELY NOT (said very emphatically) have a scale at my house. That weighing myself only once a week at the doctor's office will be enough. Reasoning is weight fluctuates, especially a woman's weight, and weighing yourself on a daily/semi-daily/hourly basis will only be discouraging.

What are your thoughts on this? I'm genuinely wondering!

Who Knew?!?

Okay, if you know me at all, you know PEPSI is my drink of choice. Well honestly, water is my first drink of choice, but Pepsi has always been my soda of choice and I have drunk Pepsi since early high school. I've always loved it. Still love it. If you cut my veins open you will probably find some traces of Pepsi running through them.

But I can't have it.

When I met with the doctor for the first time last week, he said we are allowed to drink two diet sodas a day. I grossed out in my mind, as I do NOT like diet soda of any kind. That after taste is so not worth the sweetness of the diet soda. So I stay with water.

Until today.

Have you tried this stuff?

We have a soda machine in our office that gives us a choice of lots of different kinds of soda for only a quarter. Very seldom have I used this machine, even for my normal preferred sweet beverage as I'm not a soda sipper (meaning I only drink pop if it's with a meal and even then, not always).

Today has been hard. The growlies have started early and I'm feeling a little desperate. I had a high protein, low calorie meal replacement bar for lunch. It's teeny. Seriously itty bitty tiny. And I wasn't feeling satisfied.

At all.

So someone suggested I try this Coke Zero. I asked what the difference between that and Diet Coke was. Coke Zero is made with something more like Splenda along with aspartame. That intrigued me so I forked over a quarter and gave it a try.

Um, yum.

Where's My Motivation?

I have had a LOT of people ask me why in the world I decided to do this, and what was it that finally pushed me over the edge, per se, to go on a diet.

Oh there are lots of things.

It started with a doctor's visit I had about a month or so ago with a cardiologist. I was having some funky heart palpitations and had to do a stress test. I failed miserably. The doctor told me, TO MY FACE, that it was because I was too fat and out of shape and I needed to shape up.

I don't love that doctor.

The next was just a few days later here at the office. I was helping a customer around our office, introducing him to people and just being a general help to him for that day. At the end of the day, I was walking with him to the door and he asked me when my baby was due. I chuckled and said, "Oh, I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat." He responded (sorry Mom), "Oh shit." It was the BEST reaction anyone could have done. I quickly assured him I wasn't offended (I really wasn't) and told him I had been planning on doing something about it. He's an author and about five minutes later gave me his book with an inscription that said, "Tara, you are hereby designated a MASTER LOOP CLOSER and thus may use the initials MLC as an official designation after your name. Congratulations. Mike Chaet, The Loop Guy."

He just felt bad. He should have. You NEVER ask a woman that. But I didn't feel bad. At all.

The next thing was yet another doctor visit, this time with my OB/GYN for my annual exam (I really HATE those things). We were chatting and I mentioned I'm hot all the time - seriously hot. He said it's because I've gained weight. He didn't say I was fat. But he pointed to the obvious.

I do like him still - kinda.

Lastly, whenever I eat a meal, I like to bless my food. As I was sitting there getting ready to eat what was - unknowingly at the time - going to be my last Doritos-cheese-bean-corn-olives-sourcream-guacamole mixture, I folded my arms to ask a blessing on the food and realized how unhealthy that meal was and how dare I ask the Lord for a blessing on something that is not good for my body. I laughed at the situation and realized then and there something needed to be done and it needed to be done quickly. It was finally, finally time.

And I LOVE the Lord for His help in this decision and the strength to do it right.

Motivation enough you think?

Sincerely,
Tara LaRue, MLC

Loved this quote:

"Very often when you try to see things in their largest form, you get discouraged and feel that it's impossible."

--John H. Johnson

231 is an impossibly high number. But it's just that. A number. One that as I chip away at, it will become smaller, even if it's by a measure of 1. Smaller is smaller.

And not so embarrassing. Or intimidating. Or scary.

Or impossible.

Time To Exercise (Did you hear my BLECH after that?!?)

Whoooo boy. This is what I have been staring at for well over a month now. He joined my family (well, my house) back in April and has been staring at me and mocking me since then.

I woke up this morning at this time...

(That is really the clock on my dresser)

...and decided ENOUGH! It's time to put that machine to good use. And that I did. I walked on it for 20 minutes this morning. My goal is over 30 minutes every day, but I haven't exercised in literally YEARS so I need to start slow. And it was SLOW: 2.5 miles/hour, moving up to 3 miles/hour. On a treadmill that's agonizingly slow.

But I'm moving and I felt great afterwards.

My only complaint is my internal heater would not turn off and putting on makeup this morning was a total joke.

But I'm feeling great. And if my sister's scale is accurate, I lost a total of 5 pounds since Thursday night. Made getting out of bed this morning easy and even a tad enjoyable.

I get weighed at the doctor's office on Thursday, so hopefully the scale will read at the very most 226, but hopefully less than that. I'm prolly expecting too much. I know.

That's okay.

I'm GONNA KICK THIS!

231

It's just a number. It's just a number. It's...

...my friggin' WEIGHT as of last night. ZOIKS!

As a lot of you know, I've managed to get out of debt recently, all the while making myself accountable to YOU. It's the only thing in my entire adult life that has worked for me because I wasn't just answering to myself. I had all 3 of you to answer to (okay - maybe there were 4-5 of you).

Time to do that with my weight. I have gained weight bit by bit, day by day, month by month, and year by year since I had my thyroid removed five years ago. I weigh more today than I ever have in my entire life.

My justification? I haven't had a man in my life for well over 10 years to get daily comfort and guidance and love. Yet food - oh delicious spicy-nacho-cheese-doritos-covered-with-cheese-beans-corn-olives-morecheese-guacamole-sourcream delights that made me so happy was always, ALWAYS waiting and willing and welcoming with open arms. Daily.

And my protruding gut continues to show that love.

YUCK.

I need to get control. I need to change what makes me happy. I need to like myself again. I need to be healthy. I need to get control of my headaches. I need to turn 40 feeling like I'm 30.

I need your encouragement and guidance and support and I need your stern disapproval when I slip. I need to be held accountable and I need you.

231 will NOT be shown on any scale that I ever step on EVER AGAIN.