Friday, July 16, 2010

Diet Quotes

Which ones do you like best? Most of these are tongue in cheek. I know being overweight is a serious thing, but in order for me to deal with it best, I need to be able to laugh about it. So laugh with me and tell me which you like best.

1.  I bought a talking refrigerator that said "Oink" every time I opened the door. It made me hungry for pork chops. ~Marie Mott

2.  She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when." ~P.G. Wodehouse

3.  Probably nothing in the world arouses more false hopes than the first four hours of a diet. ~Dan Bennett

4.  Obesity is really widespread. ~Joseph O. Kern II

5.  My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. ~Orson Welles

6.  We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world, and with more diets to keep us from eating it. ~Author Unknown

7.  The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates. ~Dave Barry

8.  Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths. ~Author Unknown

9.  We never repent of having eaten too little. ~Thomas Jefferson, 1825

10. When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn't taste that bad. ~Janette Barber

11. My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it. ~Harry Secombe

12. I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food. ~Erma Bombeck

13. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled over how much weight you have gained. ~Author Unknown

14. Dieters live life in the fasting lane. ~Author Unknown

15. I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people. ~Ed Bluestone

16. I am a nutritional overachiever. ~Author Unknown

17. The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day, you're off it. ~Jackie Gleason

18. I think I just ate my willpower. ~Author Unknown

19. Dieting is wishful shrinking. ~Author Unknown

20. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets. ~Author Unknown

21. The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor. ~Author Unknown

22. If I had been around when Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model. Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush. ~Dawn French

23.Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not! ~Author Unknown

24. The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books - how not to eat what you've just learned how to cook. ~Andy Rooney

25. Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge. ~Don Kardong

26. I keep trying to lose weight... but it keeps finding me! ~Author Unknown

27. I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. ~Mae West

28. I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge. ~Paula Poundstone

29. In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and cahins. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale. ~Stephen Phillips

30. The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. ~Author Unknown

31. When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty. ~Woody Allen

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